


7 Stages Without You

by sakuraxdream



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira is so gay, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Five Stages of Grief, M/M, a lot of crying is done, except its too late lol, gay people., haru is also kinda a bitch but she has her reasons, he is so dramatic, makoto is kind of a bitch but its okay its just for plot, post-death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29168211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuraxdream/pseuds/sakuraxdream
Summary: Akira Kurusu never necessarily believed in fate.Not until he found himself with the people around him. The group of outcasts known as the Phantom Thieves.He never necessarily believed in death either.Well, no. He knew death was real. Death was all around him. He was aware of death since they had started going into the metaverse… he experienced it almost every day… and yet, he didn’t understand it.Not until he was face to face with the steel wall in front of him.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	7 Stages Without You

Shock

Akira Kurusu never necessarily believed in fate. 

Not until he found himself with the people around him. The group of outcasts known as the Phantom Thieves. 

He never necessarily believed in death either. 

Well, no. He knew death was real. Death was all around him. He was aware of death since they had started going into the metaverse… he experienced it almost every day… and yet, he didn’t understand it. 

Not until he was face to face with the steel wall in front of him. 

Gunshots echoed into his ears and the sound carried in waves throughout his entire nervous system. He wasn’t sure if the shots had ended or if the ringing in his ears was loud enough to overpower the noise around him. 

Suddenly he felt every muscle in his body go stiff. The little knick-knack in his hand was the only thing to bring him back to reality- or whatever the metaverse was considered. 

His hand gripped the object as his eyes watered, daring to spill over had he not been a professional at holding them back. In a burst of energy, he rushed to the wall and punched it. As a sick way to promise the unresponsive other side of the wall that their promise would stay in motion. 

The others behind him stayed silent as he let the quiet tears stream down his face. Tilting his head down against the steel wall so they didn't see it happen. Before anyone had even dared to move, Akira was facing them once again. Face dry. Telling them to move forward. Like none of this had ever happened. 

Denial

Coming back from mementos was hard. Akira had subconsciously wished that it could have lasted a little lighter, the mindless fighting that kept his thoughts away from his consciousness. 

Once they all returned, Akira turned to the group of 8… and only being met with 7. His breathing hitched as he shook the idea of the late member of their group standing with them once more. 

The rest of them stood idly, almost awkward. It was obvious that none of them knew what to say, or do. 

Makoto opened her mouth to speak when Akira beat her to it. 

“We did a good job today. I’m sure we’re all tired, so let’s go get some rest for tomorrow.” He nodded and started in the other direction before he could hear their pity. 

He didn’t want any pity from them, sure they were his friends and all. It was different in this case, it was different in any case regarding the other. They didn’t know him like Akira did, they couldn't possibly understand this. So it was better for them to not even try. 

Morgana seemed to understand that Akira wasn’t in the mood, so he kept quiet. Sitting in Akira’s bag, likely processing this in his special way. 

He made his way back to Leblanc in silence. The time was 8 o’clock, and his rival was most likely waiting for him in one of the booths with the chessboard set in front of him. He wouldn’t have a coffee just yet because he loved forcing Akira to make it for him. 

He would say it was because he ‘believed Akira needed to prove himself to Sojiro.’ But Akira knew the shaggy-headed other simply just enjoyed Akira’s coffee more. It was an unspoken understanding between the two of them. 

The bell jingled as Akira stepped foot into the cafe. Sojiro looked at him sternly, yet his eyes were laced with concern. Of course, he would never physically show it though. 

“Hey kid-” He started, but was cut off by Akira.

“Where is he? He’s usually here by now?” He looked confused, seeing an empty booth with the chess set back on the bar. 

Sojiro sighed, typically he wouldn’t accept being interrupted like that.

“Kid. Futaba told me what happened.” He uncrossed his arms to throw the towel in his hands, over his shoulder. 

Akira shook his head, “It was only the metaverse. He’ll be back.” 

He didn’t seem willing to talk after that, hell, Sojiro had no idea how any of this worked. He sighed again and told Akira to get some rest upstairs. To which he agreed without a word. 

Upstairs, Morgana had himself in a ball next to Akira, already sound asleep. This gave Akira the perfect amount of time alone with his thoughts. 

It wasn’t possible, right? It couldn’t have been real? No. He’s going to wake up tomorrow and be met with the detective on the tv screen, some dumb segment of Good Morning Tokyo that he absolutely hates doing. They will ask him mindless questions to which he’ll smile and charm the audience, and right after he’ll be at Leblanc to scold Akira for even watching the nonsense. 

Akira will say something stupid, fake compliment the other for the scripted words he was prompted to say in the interview. The boy will go red, but still, snip one right back at Akira, and then they will laugh. Akira will make eye contact with Sojiro and he will look at the two with a curious eye. Akira will roll his eyes at Sojiro, but still flush a bit, reading Sojiro’s thoughts. 

He thought of the way the other smiles at him. The way it differs completely from the perfect prince character he has to put on for the rest of the world. The way his real facial expressions are for Akira only. How Akira is the only one who knows about everything that led up to the breakdowns. The way he and the other fight in mementos in perfect harmony, as if they’re the only ones around, and sometimes it truly did feel like that. How Akira loves everything about his rival, even his most detrimental flaws. 

Wait. 

Wait.

Akira laid in bed frozen in place. His heartbeat was increasing at an alarming rate and he had to rethink his thoughts. 

Fuck.

It was real. He couldn’t shake it from his head. He loved him. Better yet, he was almost positive that he loved him back. Why has he shared so many things between the two of them only if it didn’t mean anything to him at all? He could finally go to sleep on that thought. The only thing he could think about was the epiphany he had just come to, completely disregarding the events that took place in the metaverse.

Guilt

He woke up the next morning to be met with Sojiro sitting at the bar with a cup of coffee in his hand, watching the television screen intensely. 

Akira trampled down the stairs, causing Sojiro’s gaze to land on him instead. 

“Kid. You’re up, you may want to see this.” He sighed and Morgana trampled up on top of the counter to get his own view. 

Akira looked at him confused but looked up at the tv screen. Just as he thought, the brunette’s face glowed on the screen. The words ‘Missing Person’ listed underneath. 

Akira felt his heart stop. He shook his head “No. This is wrong. He can’t-” 

“Kid. He’s gone. You were there as far as Futaba is concerned.” Sojiro cut him off strictly. 

It all started coming back to him. The scene continued replaying in his head. The memories he’d repressed and pushed back into his mind so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. 

_The cracked mask and the defeated position on the floor made Akira’s heart ache. The tension as his teammates were finally exposed to the true person behind the black mask. How the damaged soul was so close to joining the rest of them. Remembering the look of defeat and even a hint of pride he saw for a split second before the wall created a deadly barrier between them. The look that was only meant for Akira, the look none of the others seemed to catch. He remembered the promise made between the two of them._

_He remembered the epiphany he had come to last night. It was too late for him. Too late for the both of them. He sacrificed himself for Akira. To bring him ‘justice’ after he tried taking it away. An apology maybe? No, he knew what it was. That look shot at Akira before meeting his demise wasn’t anything less than a confession._

_A confession and a final goodbye._

Akira’s hand shot up to cover his mouth as he couldn’t repress the tears any longer. He gripped the side of his cheeks, the other hand on the countertop so he wouldn’t collapse. He couldn’t control it as he sobbed into his hand, Tears in his eyes finally reaching their breaking point and streaming down his face. His fingertips made marks against his face as he gripped until his face went numb. 

He was never able to say goodbye. Never able to tell him he felt the same way. Left alone to deal with these emotions without him here to guide him. He’d never be able to stick a hand through the long hair and tell him it smelled like him. He’d never be able to hold his ungloved hand and tell him he’d never leave like everyone else. They wouldn’t have a first kiss. He’d never be able to make him happy again. He never knew he needed the other by his side as badly as he did right at this moment. 

Sojiro uncomfortably rubbed Akira’s back as Akira’s body heaved and dropped, He was never necessarily good with people crying. All meanwhile, Akira’s mind was going absolutely haywire. 

_What could he have done to prevent this? Why was he the one who had to die? Why wouldn’t it have been Akira? He should’ve let the other shoot him. He would have much rather had died than this. What if they never realized the real motives of joining the phantom thieves? And they had never set up the plan in the Metaverse? Would Akira have been so fearful for his life, he would have confessed to the other? If he had confessed, would he have lowered the gun? Would they have been able to be together? If only Akira had realized earlier. It was his fault this is happening. How could he have let him sacrifice himself like that? All of the signs were there. He didn’t deserve for someone to sacrifice their life for him._

He looked up at Sojiro, who was looking at him with the most emotion the old man could muster. He was sure he looked like a mess when Sojiro shifted on his feet uncomfortably. 

“You- uh… He really meant a lot to you, didn’t he.” Sojiro cleared his throat, not knowing what to say or do for the boy in front of him. 

This only made the lump in Akira’s throat grow larger and more painful. “I love him.”

Anger

Akira shouldn’t have been so surprised his friends wanted to see him. He had been avoiding them for a few days and they needed to figure some things out with the Metaverse soon before it was too late. Akira would typically want to get it all over with as soon as possible. 

But now? 

He would have rather let the world perish around him than have to get out of bed. He had Morgana with him sometimes, although he knew Morgana would escape to see the others every once in a while. Which he didn’t mind. He was expecting Morgana to want to visit them every so often. 

What he didn’t expect? All of them at the top of his staircase... hours after Leblanc had closed. 

Sojiro must have let them come in, knowing Futaba was with them. The old bastard. 

He eyed them groggily as if to ask them what they thought they were doing here. 

They seemed to have read his mind, “We’re infiltrating your mood, Sojiro gave me the keys” Futaba swung the keys around her finger. 

Akira smiled softly at her, he knew she was worried about him since the same thing had happened to her. 

“You really don’t need to, I’m fine.” He waved them off softly. 

“That’s bullshit man, and you know it,” Ryuji said loudly, as he always does. 

“Morgana’s been worried about your health Akira, and quite frankly, so have we.” Haru was the next one to speak up. 

This caused Akira to glare at Morgana, who then fearfully jumped into Haru’s arms. He sighed, realizing none of them were going to leave until he at least pretended to feel better. 

“Okay come on, everyone sit down.” He moved up slightly so that he was sitting against the wall. 

They all happily sat around him, Futaba and Morgana choosing the flop onto the bed since there was some new space to be found. 

“Talk to us Akira, we know it’s been difficult with everything going on.” Ann chimed in “And we want to be there for you just as much as you're there for us.” She smiled brightly at him. 

He was grateful for his friends caring for him so much. But, the words Ann said… reminded him of the boy he wasn’t allowed to think about. He was reminded that whenever Akira had a problem, he never necessarily went to any of them to talk about it. They were all always too busy dealing with their own problems, and Akira was too busy putting their needs in front of his to realize it. The only person who took the time to listen to what he had to say… was… 

“Akira? Are you alright?” Morgana mewed, bringing Akira back from his thoughts. 

He looked up at his friends, who all looked to him with worried faces. He realized he was tearing up as he spaced out. He quickly wiped any sign of wetness from his eyes. 

“Akira, you know you don’t have to shield your true emotions from us. We are here to help you out of this dark hole you’ve fallen into.” Yusuke said, trying his best. Yusuke was never very good when it came to dealing with others. 

“Although I don’t really understand why you’re like this? Sure he was your friend, but he was our friend too? He betrayed us, and he tried to kill you.” Makoto said thoughtfully, another person who was not the best when it came to the emotions of others. 

Haru looked hesitant before he spoke again “I understand this may be a bit inconsiderate of me to say, but he killed my father. He tried to kill you. He’s hurt so many people. Why should he be treated as a martyr?” She paused for a moment, as to let her words sink in. “Sorry, that was a bit rude of me to say, but it is truly how I feel.” She added, a little more confident this time. 

When Akira had nothing to say to that, Morgana started to panic, “Uh, hey guys, he wasn’t that bad… he may have done a few things but… um…” Morgana trailed off, not sure how to keep Akira from turning on Morgana and keep the other side of the room from turning on Akira. 

“Well, I mean sure! He was always sweet to me! I mean, it could have all been fake, but I’d like to think he was somewhat of a good person.” Ann stated, a bit hesitant at first, but growing more confident as she spoke. 

Ryuji shrugged “I mean, the guy was kind of an asshole, but it’s super weird to think he's gone, y’know? Like I constantly feel like he’s gonna pop out of nowhere.” He had to look behind him, just to prove his point further 

It almost felt like they were debating amongst themselves if the detective’s death was worth mourning over. It made Akira’s stomach churn. This was somebody’s life they were actively discussing like it was the leftovers from a meal, not sure if it's worth keeping or just to throw it out. Akira was about to snap. He could feel the anger boiling up inside of him. 

“I mean I get what it’s like to lose someone who’s close to you, but none of us were too close with him? We had only seen him a few times… and every time he was a threat to us.” Haru decided aloud. 

“Stop talking,” Akira warned them quietly, his voice about to shatter.

“What?” He heard Makoto say “Listen Akira, as we said before, we get it, it’s hard to lose someone you know, seriously we understand-”

Akira had finally reached his breaking point. His eyes narrowed furiously at the group in front of him, mostly at Makoto. 

“No! You _don’t_ get it actually. You’ll never understand, so please stop saying that you do. You have no idea what it’s like. You say we haven’t known him long enough to care, but that’s _bullshit._ I have known him long enough to give a damn that he’s fucking dead.” He spat angrily. 

They all were wide-eyed, never seeing Akira this angry outside of the Metaverse. It was frightening to them, to say the least. 

“Yo, dude, we’re just tryna help here, don’t gotta go all ballistic on us” Ryuji tried joking with him to calm the tension. It didn’t work. 

“If you’ve known him the longest, then shouldn’t you be the most betrayed by him?” Makoto crossed her arms defensively, as she always did when frustrated. “Why do you even care so much Akira?” 

“ _Because I’m in love with him!_ ” He yelled, finally grabbing all of their attention. “ And now I’ll never be able to see him again since he sacrificed himself for me. It’s my fault he’s gone. So I think I deserve to be a little upset.” He hadn’t even realized he was crying until Futaba was attached to his body, her arms wrapped around him as the room sat in silence. 

“...Akira…” Ann started, but unable to finish. 

“Get out. Please. Just leave me alone.” He spoke a bit softer, not wanting to yell since Futaba was with him, anger still seething throughout his body. 

The sound of complete silence was broken as someone stood to leave the room. The rest of the footsteps followed, eventually, Futaba let go of Akira to go with the rest of them. 

Acceptance

The time came and they were met with Yaldabaoth. 

They all collectively knew not to bring up anything that happened, knowing it would end negatively. 

Akira had talked with Morgana, Futaba, Ann, Ryuji, and Yusuke. Still a little rough around the edges with Haru and Makoto, he was still the one who needed to guide them through

As they traveled into the Metaverse, Akira played the leader role that he was so good at portraying. No matter how fake it was to him.

He didn’t have what it took to be a leader. There was one person he knew should be leading them right now… he had to shake the thoughts of him out of his head. 

His lack of self-confidence really showed once they were all knocked down. He and his teammates all close to death at the hands of a god. He felt regret in every inch of his being.

“Just in case we all die here, I want you all to know I love you. I couldn’t have done any of this without all of you. So thank you.” He said as the god was getting ready for his final attack. 

His friends had all reacted in different ways, but they all knew it was because Akira didn’t want to lose another person on bad terms. 

But they couldn’t die just yet. Everyone was watching them. The world was counting on them. Yet, he was failing. He couldn’t do it alone. 

And that's when he heard it. 

_“It’s too early for checkmate”_

He wasn’t sure if it was in his head, or from the heavens or whatever, or if it was back down from reality. It didn’t matter, he knew the voice. He had ached to hear this voice just once more. 

The memories of everything shot into his thoughts once more. Their few months together, as enemies, as rivals, and as friends. How they needed each other, whether they realized it or not. Their temporary partnership. The betrayal. Meeting again in the Metaverse. The sacrifice. 

He smiled to himself, knowing that he’d always have the brunette with him, whether he liked it or not. He wasn’t one anyone could forget. He was special, and Akira knows how grateful he would feel to hear that, especially from him. 

The only thing he wanted was to be needed, to be wanted, to be loved.

And as hard as it was to accept that Akira would never be able to show him in this life, he hopes the detective can finally accept how amazing he truly is. 

Akira being brought back to reality finds the power to get up. To encourage the rest of the group that they're not ending here. It’s not going to end now. They're going to keep going.

After Yaldabaoth falls, Akira feels a heavy weight off his shoulders. Not only was the false god finally gone, but Akira was also finally able to accept the reality of his situation. 

He knows he’ll never be the same, he’ll never possibly go back to the way he was before, without his other half. It was still calming to know that his friends were in fact here for him. The therapist at school didn’t seem too bad of an option either. 

Rehabilitation

The remainder of the group went back to Leblanc to celebrate their victory.

Although Morgana was now also no longer with them, being shown his true form was rewarding, he finally was able to be who he really was. 

They sat in a booth, all sharing curry and coffee, talking amongst themselves. Enjoying each other’s company, discussing their last months of school. Akira needed to leave soon to go back home. It was a bittersweet conversation, and Akira was just happy he was able to live in the moment with them like they used to. 

During their conversation, the Leblanc bells jangled, telling the store that a customer had walked in. 

“Dr. Maruki?” Ann perked up in confusion. 

“Akira. I have something to show you.” The doctor spoke, a happy look on his face. 

He took another step into the small cafe, letting another body walk in. 

Akira’s stomach dropped to the floor at the sight, eyes welling up with tears as he was punched in the throat with the scene ahead.

“Akechi?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Today is Shuake angst day so I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> This was also written in a day so please do not bully me I'm sure it's not the best 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed!! I've had writer's block for a long time so it still may not be one of my best works!!
> 
> yup yup anyways follow me on twitter @sakuraxdream


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